Cruising Sailors Forum Archive

A tribute to Jerry "The Keel Guy."

You probably never heard of him, but Jerry was a very creative denizen of the old Cruising World board.
Here are two of his creations
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Jerry TKG's Christmas Poem
‘Twas the night before Christmas, I swung on the hook
With snowflakes a'landing, asleep with my book
When up on the deck I heard footsteps and stuff"
I've been boarded!" I thought, and I tried to be tough
Then down the companionway hatch came a dude
He was dressed like a nut and I thought, "I'm so screwed"
But he laughed and he hummed as he surveyed my junk
So I figured he must be the resident drunk
His eyes were lit up like a junkie on speed
But he gave me a whole bunch of stuff that I need
Like rum and cigars and new charts and a dinghy
And some kind of fancy electrical thingy
I was sure it was stolen but I wasn't telling
I just hoped he was giving and wasn't just selling
So I poured him a grog which he downed with a wink
Then I poured one for me (Lord I needed a drink!)
Then he staggered above to the dark snowy night
As I peeked I beheld an incredible sight
Eight tiny dolphins and a beautiful sleigh
And the dude hopped aboard and prepared to make way
The dolphins were ready to power the sled
But the guy raised a ginny and mains'l instead
With a burp and a chuckle he gathered the breeze
And called to the dolphins, now swimming with ease
"Hey Stalker and FEMA and Cancer and Nixon!
Or Stinky and Pepper Spray, Mason, and Dixon!
Or whatever your names are, you cute little fishes,
Here's to every last sailor, my best Christmas wishes!"
As he sailed away leaving a wobbly wake
I hoped he had not many stops left to make
He got close to shore and he soon was aground
But the dolphins proceeded to pull him around
And I heard him exclaim as he sailed out of sight
"Killer whales!! ...I'm just kidding, don't be so uptight!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
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Jerry TKG's Hey, Mr. West Marine Man (sung to Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man)
Hey Mr. West Marine man, say a prayer for me
If it's in the latest catalog, I want one.
Hey Mr. West Marine man, say a prayer for me
In the jingle-jangle morning I'll be ordering one.
I see you got some better stuff for when my bilge is foul,
Lookie there, a plastic owl!
And a little colored towel for drying fenders...
You help me find the problems that I never knew were there:
Algae treatment for my hair,
Sunbrella underwear for both the genders.
Hey Mr. West Marine man, say a prayer for me
If it's in the latest catalog, I want one.
Hey Mr. West Marine man, say a prayer for me
In the jingle-jangle morning I'll be ordering one.
I'd take you for a trip upon my barely floating ship
But she's too deep for my slip
It's a lengthy dinghy trip
And quite a march
You should see the stuff inside
I'm glad I bought the double-wide
We could watch the falling tide
From the patio that's bolted to the radar arch...
Hey Mr. West Marine man, say a prayer for me
If it's in the latest catalog, I want one.
Hey Mr. West Marine man, say a prayer for me
In the jingle-jangle morning I'll be ordering one.

Doug R