"After years of uncertainty with bits of nearly-certain doom mixed in, the SS United States — which still holds the record for fastest Atlantic crossing of all time, doncha know — has been partially rescued by local philanthropist Gerry Lenfest, who’s just sunk $5.8 million towards the maintenance and eventual purchase of the SS United States from Genting Hong Kong Ltd. There’ll be a big celebration tonight down by South Philly IKEA, where the ship is currently docked. Meanwhile, preservationists are busy preparing pitches to both Philly and New York to rehab the ship into a waterfront attraction, an idea we’d love to see become reality in Philly. Just think — it could be like a mall and a restaurant and hotel that’s like The Life Aquatic. Make it happen, Philly!"