Thank you all for these great answers:
1: Perhaps you are right, looking for an excuse for a new boat. Get over it.
2: I should set a 12,14,16 whatever knot rule, that no matter what I reef when it gets to this point. Presently I fly the full main up to 20-22 knows apparent. I think putting in such a rule would save me from myself.
I tend to make a big deal of it when we reef. I should make it standard operating procedure.
3: For my third reef, I now have it set up that I need to go to the mast. I have never needed it, but I should probably spend the money and have that led to the cockpit, put in the blocks to lead it back and a sheet stopper to control things.
I have probably developed too much bravado over the years. Even when your brain knows that you will sail better and faster with the reef, the macho side makes you fly a full main. This is like racing a car. The car that is not sliding is really doing the faster laps, but the drifters look and feel cooler.
Thanks again for the reality check.